Musings of an Immortal
by jj-chan
Summary: She has been reborn again. He will find her. Will she recognise him? Perhaps, but probably not. Will he be hurt again? Of course. Every time. Sometimes it is more than a just a curse to be immortal. one shot, Fenris x Loki. author: Paul. R&R please!


Disclaimer: ((burns lots of legal documents)) Mine! Ragnarok's all mine! Bwahahaha!

Lynna: Umm… those were _your_ legal documents.

Me: o.O… and by the way, flashbacks are in an observer's POV.

* * *

"All living matter…no, Midgard herself, is filled with cosmic energy. This is a universal life force which embraces the whole cosmos… Those who wield it can shake mountains, raise seas and fill the heavens. They are immortal!" 

_One that is human…and yet, not?_

Fenris -of Loki, Ragnarok vol.4, pages 123 & 131

* * *

**Musings of an Immortal**

He was near her. He could sense it. His soul could feel her spirit calling out to him, or so he thought. He was prone to imagining things like that. It had been twenty years since he last saw her face. _Fenris…_

How many centuries had passed since he first met her? He did not know anymore. Nor did he know why he kept doing this. She merely intrigued him at first, but as he got to know her, to spend more time with her… ah, well. That was another story altogether.

Then she died. Unspeakable anguish. Why? Did it really matter why? _Fenris…gone_.And for all his power, all his abilities, there was nothing he could do about it.

But she lived. He felt her spirit rise again. In another living shell, yes, but it was still her. And so it began.

The being once known as the Wolf Goddess had an exceptionally strong soul. Consequently, it was not content to stay in Niflheim for eternity. It needed to live. And live it did, in human, sometimes wolf, form. All the reincarnations looked different; were different. No matter. Loki would always recognize her.

* * *

Who _is_ that guy? Pretty cute. No, gorgeous! Ooh, he's coming closer... Straighten skirt, pat blouse, check hair. Perfect. Wonder if I could get him to dance. It _is_ a town festival, after all. 

"Excuse me, miss?" _Eeeek_. Calm, Seine, just stay _calm_. "-that girl over there. With brown eyes and long hair." Drat.

"Leira. My cousin." Hope she brushes you off! Grrrr.

"Thank you." Yeah right. Like you could walk away any faster.

"Excuse me, Miss Leira…?"

* * *

She had no idea who he was, that Leira, while he knew exactly who_ she_ was. But Rio knew. He wondered if she would know him this 

time.

* * *

"Rio's grandson has arrived. I'm glad; he needs someone to take care of him in his old age. And what a nice young fellow he is too! So well mannered and polite. Funny, though, he hasn't mentioned any one coming over. And did you know-" 

"Shush, Amos, enough gossip. And that's ridiculous; Rio has no relatives, and he could have been a delivery person for all you know."

"Nonsense. I saw it. Young man just showed up at his door and knocked. He opened it and said 'Sure took you long enough.' And that was that. Besides, that was weeks ago, he's still here."

"Oh, you nosy old man. Come now, dinner is waiting."

* * *

Year after year…he would look for the next reincarnation. Sometimes it was easy; sometimes it tested his skills to the limit. But he would find her every time. And he would watch over her, try to keep her safe, make life easier. But it wasn't always _her_. He could distinctly remember several male reincarnations. Still, he referred to Fenris' soul as "her". 

Sometimes he couldn't show himself to her at all. That hurt. Sometimes he would witness her fall in love with another, or she would hate him. That hurt more. And a lot more than just sometimes, she suffered, _died_ without him able to do anything. That hurt most of all.

* * *

"Yo! Ain't ya showin' special concern t' tha' wolfie? 'Cause ya shore treat'd her extra good." 

The wolf ran back into the forest while Loki finished packing his first aid kit.

"Your slang is horrendous. Drop it now." Glaring at me as usual, the damned cold guy.

"Okay, okay." He never did have a sense of humor.

"Better." Neither was he much of a talker.

"Still, it's nice of you to patch her up. That gunshot wound looks pretty nasty. Good thing the hunters didn't get her, but it's too bad they got away. And it's funny the way she acts towards you. She'd have attacked anyone else. "

"…" Still, he's the best we have, even assigned to lecture newbie rangers for a few weeks. I'll bet he hates it.

"You're leaving tomorrow, right? I pity your future students. Mr. Solemn Iceman sure won't be a fun teacher." Come back soon, friend. I'd hate it if this place stayed unprotected with those hunters running around.

"Humph."

* * *

A few days later, a single gunshot rang through the forest. 

And Loki found he was capable of cruel, torturous revenge. At least it provided him a way to vent his fury and grief. But the self-loathing, the regret, he couldn't get rid of. And many times Loki wished, fervently wished, that he could afford the human luxury of tears.

* * *

"I'm truly sorry." And he was, this young doctor. He _hated_ this part of his job. The man, however, seemed to have already accepted it. He simply shrugged and went into the room, sitting beside the small bed of the girl. Pale and thin, where once was an active, suntanned bundle of laughs. 

"Will I die, Papi?" She sounded so sad, so weak. Gods, he wished he'd waited outside.

"No, you will live, and this summer we shall go to that meadow and have stupid picnics and make useless flower chains all day." The dead calmness in his voice made the doctor feel worse somehow.

"That's not true, Papi." He was going to cry at home tonight. "You're trying to make me feel better."

The father was still silent. Perhaps he would cry too if he tried to speak. The doctor knew he wasn't the real father; he had adopted this girl from the orphanage.

"But you don't have to lie, Papi…I am going to die and maybe go to heaven, like what Auntie said. It's very nice there." Cough, cough. She was talking too much. "Is it really? I hope so… Will you miss me, Papi?"

"Yes." There was a slight quaver in his voice now, a hint of emotion. The doctor bit his lip.

"Then I'll leave Moo with you. That way you won't be so lonely anymore." The girl handed him a ratty little stuffed bear. He took it silently, holding it close. "I'll miss you too…Papi…"

The doctor couldn't stand much more. He got up silently, and left the room. When he returned a few hours later, the girl was cold and still, the father nowhere to be seen. And the little stuffed bear was gone.

* * *

He had kept it with him, tucked safely in his leather pouch. But no amount of care and safekeeping would protect it from the ravages of time. Centuries passed, and it decayed, leaving nothing but a few hard objects in the stuffing, looking all too much like pieces of a broken heart. 

_His heart…_

Before he met Fenris, he was quite fine the way he was. Cold, unfeeling…dead. She made him feel alive. Made him feel hurt, anguish… love. Oh yes, for he had learnt to feel, to love.

As much as she hurt, she healed him, too. Made him feel human. And every time he felt her spirit return to life, the grief at her death was dispelled by the joy of her new life.

Still, he felt he was trapped in limbo. Living a life once, a hundred times, led, making new mistakes, repeating old ones. She was lucky to start over completely, without demons haunting her thoughts and memories. Loki was both jealous and relieved.

He felt her coming closer, closer…there.

Small, with brown skin and short ebony hair, drinking some sort of dark juice. He smiled darkly and walked towards her. Quickened his pace, slid directly in front of her path.

Collision.

"Oh, damn! So sorry… oh, no, I ruined you shirt! I'm really, really sorry…umm…if –if you're not in a hurry, umm, here -I've got a spare which might fit you…uhh…please follow me?"

Wondering for the millionth time why he kept doing this, Loki sighed and turned to follow her.

**End**

Loki: I found it boring. (_Why did I seem like a weak sap?)_

Iris: No catfights? No Lidia beatings? T.T

Lidia: ((picks Paul's pocket)) And here I thought I found a lidia/loki supporter. Waaaaa…..

Iris: Mooo….

Chaos: Eensy weensy spider….

Sessy: Three little sessies…

Paul: They've all gone crazy! ...Might as well join in. ;D

Fenris: ((sweatdrops))

Me: Kindly r&r! Protests, flames, enumeration of Paul's various mental illnesses, and winning lottery numbers are all welcome!

(Someone save me! My formats are not working! Please help, I'm new to this. T.T)


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